Harshing my mellow.

The holiday does a nice time of tearing my time to shreds, which is just great when I'm trying to tackle several time-intensive games all at once. Bleh.

In the case of Armored Core 4, it's the depth of customizability and the need to implement that to truly succeed that's killing me. Battlefield 2 gets better every time I play, even when I lose, but getting into a groove took me a while, and the single player campaign doesn't hurt from memorizing spawn points. Amped 3 went back today, but it's also pretty workworthy, given that there are a whole butt-ton of challenges on each of, what, six mountains?

Good times with all, regardless. Apparently, America's Army finally got back and Battlestations: Midway should be in transit, but I don't expect that until Monday.

Should be able to polish off Spongebob tomorrow, sometime before or after dinner with the family. Whee. Goodnight.

Phase 2: ????

Boxing Day? Screw that. Xbox Live Arcade Wednesday is where it's at!

Slim pickings this week, as besides another Bomb Up Pack for Bomberman Live (which you should have if you don't already), there's just SpongeBob Squarepants: Underpants Slam. In all honesty, this sounds like a softcore porn title with awkward foam rubber costumes involved, but the game actually isn't too bad.

SpongeBob Squarepants: Underpants Slam!
Achievements: 12 (9 offline, 3 multiplayer on- or offline)

Pretty straightforward little game, which makes sense since it's SpongeBob. You pick a character and collect underpants. In quest mode, you have to get 99 to clear a level, with time increases as you collect more or beat more enemies. Time trial, you have a set limit to find all 99, and then there's a couple of multiplayer modes which are basically the same, though one has a Tag function that keeps one person from collecting until they hit someone else.

Almost all of the achievements can be obtained without even thinking, as they're based on stuff you're going to do normally as you play, like using your super move a certain number of times or falling off the stage. It's pretty much a handout for 800 points, but it's cute and if you've got friends or relatives who are into SpongeBob, especially wee ones, it's not a bad thing to have around if they end up visiting.

Super fighting robots.

Both last night and today, there were some wee Christmas miracles, as I got some fresh ideas for a standardized format and two new games came to my door, respectively. These new ideas shall be pretty obvious as I discuss Armored Core 4 and Battlefield 2, as well as revisiting Amped 3 briefly.

Armored Core 4
Achievements: 39 (all offline)

Ah, Armored Core. It's been so long, since our brief sojourn on the Playstation so many years ago. Yeah, not even a "2" there; it's been a long time since the rock and roll, and popping this in was kind of like revisiting an old lover. A bit bittersweet, and you're honestly probably a bit better for having moved on, but pleasant nonetheless.

It was kind of nice to see the old formula still works as well/ill as it used to, given what little I remember hearing about the change in direction they took with the PSP title a while back. Controls felt a bit stiff but not inappropriately or problematically so; fitting for mecha I consider fairly lumbering compared to the fare in, say, Full Metal Panic or Gunbuster. Gameplay's pretty simple - you blow stuff up, as per missions set out by whoever's hired you as a merc. As you progress, you get access to more weapons and schematics to change/upgrade your NEXT unit (the mech), for more fun, efficient, and/or mission appropriate splodey.

I found it kind of odd that a game released this year still managed to have 100% of its achievements obtainable offline, given that I'm pretty sure I saw an online mode while I was poking around, but hey, I'm not complaining.

Looks like you can bang out an easy 330 just by clearing the campaign the first time through, and the rest come from boosting your overall rating and clearing things again on a harder difficulty, with points coming from individual missions as well as chapters when you go the hard way. 430 points come from completing "data packs," but since I've only wet my toes at this point, I'm not sure if that's along the lines of the mission records in Ace Combat you get for shooting down elite pilots, or if they're simulations like the VR missions in Metal Gear Solid where you have to face specific targets. We'll see.

In all honesty, I estimate nailing at least those 330, but probably little more in the given week, since it's been a while since I AC'd, and I don't recall being particularly excellent in the first place.


Battlefield 2: Modern Combat
Achievements: 46 (23 offline, 23 online)

One of the first things that struck me about this game was the even split of achievements. Not only is it an even count of individual little pictures for your profile, but it's actually 500 points apiece for each mode. It really impresses me that they managed to cover both bases equally, as it's a lot fairer to those who can't afford (or trick mommy and daddy into) shelling out for a Gold account, while still giving those who have the cash and time to deal with legions of dimwitted peckerheads enjoy Xbox Live just as much incentive to play.

Some game types, like RPGs, don't really lend themselves to such a treatment, but it's often easy to tell which side of gameplay (if not both) were merely phoned in by a developer just by looking at the achievements.

That being said, the game also looks polished. The menus are stylized but readable, with two small windows right there at the start showing your campaign and online service records, at least in terms of rank and medals representing your achievements. That's another nice touch, having graphics in-game representing what you've done rather than just on your gamercard, but that may just be personal preference on my part. In-game is pretty cool, too, with a reasonable but useful HUD setup and a decent representation of what Kazakhstan looks like, I guess. I wouldn't know, I've never been there.

The whole point of the game is that NATO and the Chicoms are fighting over Kazakhstan for some reason, and since it's fairly current-day, all the weaponry and vehicular selection should seem at least remotely familiar to anyone who watches the news. Because of this, and despite an uncannily high number of bullets you can have in you before you keel over, the game is not particularly easy. Adding to the learning curve is the lack of any sort of tutorial or controller layout screen, at least not that I could find. One doesn't always get the instruction booklet with the game, you know, and it's not necessarily fun to be tapping madly at buttons to figure out what does what when you're under fire from a whole squad of Red Chinamen.

Despite that minor roadblock, and the fact I kind of ate it large in the second mission already, it's a fun game, and it has the best respawn mechanic I've ever seen. So long as you still have troops on the ground, you as the player sort of "possess" another unit rather than reappearing in some random place. On top of this, you can jump from person to person manually in the midst of battle, but they have to be in your line of sight; the symbol over a unit's head designating their roletype will change color when highlighted so you know where you're going.

In all honesty, I'm looking at maybe scraping out some of the regional and force-related campaign achievements and not much else. I've tried to do one in what's supposed to be the easiest level possible for it and can't really pull it off. Chances may improve given time to adjust to the controls and get a groove going, so we'll see.


Amped 3
Achievements: 15 (all offline, though you need a friend)

I'm not going to waste much time re-reviewing this, just commenting in line with the format tweaks. Amped 3 strikes me as kind of typical for an early-run 360 game, in that it's completely single-player save for some multiplayer challenges, with a whole crapload of things to do and unlock in order to keep the player playing until more games came out.

Granted, part of me still lives for that kind of thing, and I'm in love with the game in general, but in all honesty, it could've stood to have online multiplayer. I'm frankly surprised when any sports title is lacking in that department, honestly.

Still, they made 530/1000 points absolute cake to get, available through just clearing the story mode and screwing around a bit on your way through, but judging by the slow climb the second mountain's proving to be, I'm not sure I'll be able to get them all. There's no way I'm golding every challenge in a week, and I don't think I love the game enough to buy it and free up more time with it. Oh well.

I guess that's it for this installment, so here's hoping everyone who celebrates whatever has a good holiday. Don't drink anything I wouldn't, unless you really need it to put up with the family.

Gleaming the snowglobe.

It's been quiet the past couple of days, I know. I happen to work in a field where these few days before Christmas are pretty much the biggest stab in the ass of the year. That, and I've been making cookies. You can't really fault a man for cookies.

America's Army left yesterday, without being popped back in a single time after that initial, slow torture. Go figure. But now it's Amped 3's time to shine, and it's corny as all get out!

No, really, it's pretty hokey. I'd never played either of the previous Amped games, but this is like 2005's attempt to be 2001 with all sorts of references to stuff from 1985-1993. While this does make it seem like the team had a lot of fun making the game, it gets old really, really fast. The character designs bug me a little, and I'd love to know what's up with that "recorded in a bathroom stall" feel to the voices. America's Army actually had the same problem, now that I think of it.

Gameplay-wise, this title delivers. It's not that much different from what I remember of the SSX series, but it's enough to make me think it's better. Maybe it's a difference in control sensitivity, maybe it's the butters, but I just like this better. The idea of a style bonus for not just waggling the stick around like a crazy person is nice, too.

What I really love about the title is the free-form nature of things. You have specific areas and goals to work on, but you get dropped off by the lift at set starting points near your main objective, and can explore or run some other goals on your way to the primary one. The music is also excellent, as I am all for starting the game to Manfred Mann's "Blinded By The Light." That, and I could have sworn I heard something that sounded a bit like KOMPRESSOR, but he is most certainly not in the artist list. Hmm.

Achievements seem straightforward enough, as they're mostly "play through the game," "do everything in the game," and "keep replaying the game 'til it bleeds," as seems to be especially typical of first-run 360 games.

While waiting for that to come, it was mostly DDR, since you get points just for playing the game normally, every ten songs. Only so long one can milk that, as I've only got four more achievements in that category, so I started poking at the challenge mode. I don't think this is going to be a full complete even though I keep the DDRs, kids - the last few brackets of challenges are insane. I don't think they actually tried playing them, kind of like their graphic design team had no idea SICK TRIBALS were long dead and no one would ever wear boots like that with half the custom male outfits. Ugh.

Sensible World Of Soccer happens to be fixed now, by the way, so I suggest anyone with the slightest appreciation for footie check it out. I'm still on the fence about buying it, but I need to actually try the fixed version before making a final decision.

Hope you chumps have a good holiday, if I somehow manage to not post anything else before then.

The hive mind demands you post drunk.

So I said, "Okay!" I'm only a little buzzed, really.

Regardless, I figure I should mention I finally picked up Elite Beat Agents for the DS, and the song selection is far less horrible than I originally thought. Really, there were only two songs that bugged me at all, and you've got to admit that Sk8r Boi is at least a little catchy. Really, I pretty much shat myself with happiness when I found Highway Star, on the level with the pug trying to get home. I LOVE that song (thanks, Rock Band!).

I wonder if blogger knows its autosaving tends to bugger formatting something fierce. Ugh.

As for 360 stuff, I actually grabbed the demo version of Sensible World Of Soccer before they pulled it for being too buggy, and it's a fun little game. If they decide to work out that whole thing where it SIGNS YOU RIGHT THE HELL OUT OF LIVE when you start it, I could see it being worth money. Tempest, which also came out this week, doesn't seem to handle properly with the analog stick, so to hell with that. Late in the game or once they put out an Atari Live Arcade compilation, sure, but not now.

I think the biggest surprise was another batch of Beautiful Katamari downloads. I thought they were done with the first handful that came out, but apparently, there was still room on the map for a couple of floating pears. Superior. I hope to have some time to play these tomorrow, when I'm less ready to pass out.

Some new Rock Band tracks dropped as well, always fun. Same play conditions as the aforementioned Katamari levels. I am le tired.

Turns out I was a little off regarding DDR Universe 2's Quest Mode; the character you make seems to be usable as your avatar in regular gameplay, which is almost enough of an incentive to go back and buy all the outfits. Almost. Perhaps sometime when I've got a lot of time to kill and my brain has ceased functioning on an average level.

Amped 3 is on its way, supposedly, as well as a few other games once they realize I sent those back, too. Probably no new game talk until Monday, though, so any rambling here will remain brief through the weekend. Which is good, because work is probably going to suuuuuck.

An all-too-brief flirtation.

Alas, my week with Ace Combat 6 must draw to a close after tonight. It was a beautiful time, spent aloft in the heavens, with splodey abounding. Chances are I'll actually purchase the game sometime in the near future, as while I suck at dogfighting, I would like some more time to learn not to suck at dogfighting. Fun stuff, this game, and I highly recommend.

Only blew through a few more mission achievements, I think, since the last update. I didn't even finish the campaign entirely, but my apartment doesn't clean itself. I don't clean it, either, but at least some dishes get done sometimes.

Anyway, I guess that leaves me to grind America's Army until something fresh shows up. Nng. Sensible World Of Soccer and Tempest hit Arcade tomorrow, so I'll at least be hitting those demos. Might find time to try the new Rock Band content as well. We'll see.

An aside.

Sega Superstars Tennis coming out on all three systems? Yessssssssssss, to hell with the Wii version.

Big the Cat makes an appearance, albeit not as playable? YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! MEAT SAUCE!

The Mighty Bomb Jack Halftime Show

I never should have expected much from sports games when the pinnacle of my experience with them was Tecmo Super Bowl on the NES. First the world cup, and now All-Pro Football 2K8 hosin' me something fierce. Granted, it does not help one bit that the menu system is awkward and klunky, and this analog stick kicking nonsense doesn't make any sense to me.

For the record, the idea is that instead of fighting for the license to the NFL that EA snatched up, 2K Games managed to get rights to use individual players, and you can pick a bunch of pros from across the ages to build a unique team, with a bunch of generics to fill out the lineup. I love the idea of having Dan Marino, The Fridge, and Johnny Unitas all in the same lineup, but at more than a few pixels tall, it's just not happening.

You can still net 40 measly points right from the get-go. Right when you start up the game the first time, you're forced to create a team, and you get five when you're done. Don't go too crazy with customizing, though; as soon as you're done with setting up, go back into the menus and tweak something like a uniform option and save it - another five! Create a player, that's five again! Then just simulate a season and you'll get twenty-five more gamerscore without ever having to lift a finger.

Apparently, a lot of the other achievements are easy if a) you can deal with the controls and b) you have a second player handy to throw ill-advised passes or move his team out of the way or whatever, but I'm not too familiar with anyone who's local and into sports games, so whatever. Maybe I'll pick it up again in the future.

I will be honest, the customization options alone were so deep that I'm kind of enamored, and I'd hate to leave the Philadelphia Orcas hanging like this. It heads back with 2006 FWC today.

Now, another gem arrived yesterday, and I can't wait to tell you all about it, so you know to avoid it at any cost. You may have heard in passing of a US Army propoganda slutmachine simulation game known as America's Army? Well, there's a 360 iteration now, and it's ugly. This game was released as recently as October of this year, and yet Quake 4, which has been around forever, still makes this game look bad. Another problem I had was that the aiming controls are sticky, and while they're better than GoldenEye: Rogue Agent, it's not by all that much. Button layout's kind of silly, too; they could have used the bumpers for something instead of sticking everything on circular menus that eat precious trying-not-to-get shot time.

Oh, and the allied AI? Dumb as a brick. I failed plenty of missions, since they don't have checkpoints and it's all or nothing, because my "help" was standing behind my sitting "casualty" ass like I was some sort of cover, while nothing was shooting at them, perfectly content not to rub my balls or whatever it is you do when you "medic" someone in-game. I seriously cannot figure out that animation at all. It looks like an awkward goodbye on a first date. Oh, and they love to jump in front of your line of fire, especially nice when you're packing the machine gun and you were wondering how you were going to get rid of 1000 or so perfectly good useless Honor Points in one fell swoop.

Despite all of this, and the fact that the single-player mode is all of nine training sessions and eight stupid, stupid missions, two for each primary weapon, I soldiered through (PUNS!) and managed to clear most of said scant offline stuff in a few hours. It would have been less than a few hours, but the second grenadier mission is probably where I got most of those awkward "Hi, I'm cover now" moments.

Definitely blow through the training first, as you'll get a fistful of skill points for improving your meathead, which is the basis of several achievements. Then just hit up the Wargames missions, and you'll get points for every two you finish. The only one that's really tricky, per se, is the last sniper one, as there's a part where you've got to dash from cover to cover to get into position without being seen by enemy patrols, and you only get help from the rest of your team (they tell you when to move) for the first dash of four or five.

Once I get over my frustration from my first dash with the game, it's easy enough that it's worth milking for the offline stuff. You get gamerscore for clearing pairs of missions without any casualties, and that's easy enough to polish off along with the achievements for just finishing the missions themselves in Novice difficulty. I think a casualty occurs when you leave someone un-mediced for too long, as I mediced all the time and still got the first three (of four) no-casualty achievements. Also, the skill points achievements don't have to be left that way; you can fill a bar and save to unlock the Professional in one skill achievement, and then redistribute and save again to get Skilled in two or what have you. If anything, remember to redistribute just so you don't entirely suck when you're running the missions.

Oh yeah, one final, huge pet peeve about this game: I'm pretty sure your character has asthma. Nothing against people with asthma, BUT YOUR CHARACTER WILL PANT LIKE A DYING ANIMAL IF YOU DO
SO MUCH AS WALK.

I think the only game still hanging around from what was sent is Ace Combat 6, so I will elaborate a bit as to how I'm progressing, since I realize the first few posts here have been terribly underinformative. The simplest achievements here are gotten for clearing the missions. You can do this without really thinking too much in Easy mode, which is the route I took given that I haven't played an Ace Combat since the first or second in the series. You're going to have to play through it on Hard eventually to get all the planes available for purchase, however, so if you want to just dive right in, be my guest.

Speaking of buying planes, you should unlock the A-10 Thunderbolt for purchase around three or four missions in. Hopefully you've saved your money up to this point, because you seriously should buy this plane and its third special weapon, air-to-surface tracking missiles, as soon as they're available. They make ground-pounding missions SOOOOOO much easier, which makes sense given that's what A-10s are made to do, and you'll have several such missions right after you can get it.

The story does not get any less tedious as you go along, so just deal with it. Sorry. Word on the street is you get an F-14D available as soon as you beat the sixth mission, so I'm hunting for some Kenny Loggins right now to get my Danger Zone on.

Go dance with the angels IN THE DANGER ZONE

Played a little Ace Combat 6, and it rules. Might actually end up buying this and all the extra planes at some point even though I'm not exactly great at flight sims. Everything is beautiful, the controls are easy to pick up, and it's fun even in campaign.

My only complaint would have to be that the story that ties the campaign together goes from depressing to hokey and annoying in the span of three or four cutscenes. Whatever, I like blowin' stuff up in the sky.

All Pro Football 2K8 came yesterday as well, and I'm building a team in that right now. Any game that starts off playing a remix of Tom Sawyer can't be all bad, right? Might be enough fun to prove worthwhile in a week's time. We'll see.

Not much to talk about because I'm really tired right now, work work work.

So it is Wednesday after all.

Two new XBLA releases, Arkadian Warriors and GripShift. Arkadian Warriors is fun, reminds me of the old Gauntlet revivals but with only three character classes. Think neo-Gauntlet with a dash of Altered Beast and a lot of shopping. Decided to throw down moneys, already have 25 gamerscore from it.

GripShift, on the other hand? Feels like Monkey Ball with cars, and not in a good way. It's the game where you're in a car and you drive off the track and you die. Like Rainbow Road ad infinitum. Once you get to the Intermediate stages, anyway. The handling seemed really sticky and I couldn't tell much difference between on- and off-road driving even though there was supposed to be one. Maybe when I'm drunker and more solvent, I'll add this to the pile.

Ace Combat 6 showed up in the mail today but I kind of have to be at work at 4 in the morning and have other buggering about to do tomorrow so it'll have to wait for playtime once I get off. I have played the demo, so I'm really excited, but seriously, job without sleep really sucks. I'll see you all tomorrow.

XBLA Tuesday...

...sucked for 12/11. HAY GUYZ WE LOWERED THE PRICE OF BANKSHOT BILLIARDS. Blow me, seriously. I was looking forward to the price drop and all, but I've also grown accustomed to new goodies each week, at least in demo form. I guess they didn't want anything to be eclipsed by the new Halo 3 maps coming out, or more likely, the new Halo 3 maps being eclipsed by something like Rez finally dropping.

Oh wait, shit. It's XBLA Wednesday now? Dammit. I am both more and less irate given this news. Or perhaps very confused. Maybe it's been Wednesday all along and I'm mixing things up.

That being said, I have fond memories of the Bankshot demo from when I first got my 360, and recommend it much more now that it's a more reasonable price. Might pick it up myself before the week is out, still kind of on the fence as to how much a hurry I'm in on this. I waited this long, might as well wait some more.

Fresh content, on the other hand, was not bad at all. New Halo 3 maps, as mentioned, look all right. I did a tour in Forge rather than actually playing any of them, and I really dig the openness and natural cover in Standoff, but I'm also thrilled they used the Earth base from the campaign as a template for Rat's Nest. Foundry looks cute but also looks like a rape tape waiting to happen. We'll see next time I feel like suffering through random idiots or can gather some associates to actually play the game.

Also new was a punk pack for Rock Band, featuring I Fought The Law, Rockaway Beach, and Ever Fallen In Love. I've been waiting for Ever Fallen ever since they announced the first batch of download packs, so I was quite delighted to grab this and slam through the vocals with five stars. I also caught up with some of the other download songs I hadn't actually played yet, at least not on my save, which was nice.

Because of this, my throat is scratchy and I'm not really feeling the need to revisit any of my Arcade games like I normally would this time of week, so I guess I owe myself some DDR or something.

Oh yeah, in other system news, Wii update hit today. System update, they updated the photo channel, and supposedly Pokémon Snap, now on the Virtual Console, can tie in with the photo stuff and let you send pictures you take in-game to people.

That is so stupid, I love it already. I might pick this one up again and give it a go, even though I probably still have the cartridge.

If you're looking to get even more depressed, look at the release list for the rest of the holiday season, for any system. With the exception of NiGHTS: Journey Into Dreams (which should have hit today, I believe), it's a steaming pile. Good for gift-strained wallets, I guess, but I am a miser and would like new reasons to throw away my green besides food and pornography.

It begins!

So, the first game in the grand requeueing has arrived - 2006 FIFA World Cup! And the verdict is... I don't have the patience for realistic sports simulations. Sure, I like watching soccer, and I like playing soccer, but this weird fusion of both that comes in video game form? The orange I just ate was a bit more exciting. Give me Mario and crew playing soccer any day.

Mind you, it was good for its release time, especially if you have a hard-on for international footballers. The likenesses were definitely a jump from the Xbox days, arenas were very pretty, and I like the announcers more than previous iterations. Lots of unlockables for those of you who'd pile enormous amounts of time into things. There are also two or three more FIFA games out there already, also by EA, so if you like their stuff and already watched the World Cup nearly two years ago, then by all means just pick up FIFA '08.

Eked out the "complete a challenge" achievement, gotten in fifteen minutes or less by going to World Challenges and playing Romanian Lottery. Penalty shots, dumb goalie, mostly luck in picking where to block. I honestly think they phoned in the achievements on this one. It's all play a bunch of matches, play a bunch more matches, beat Germany in a match. No online play stuff or anything. Normally I'd squeal with joy for all offline-unlockable stuff, but I think my head would explode if I tried to grind these.

I also still have Earth Defense Force 2017 floating around from before this project began, and while I've sworn to send it back along with FIFA, I may just cave and buy it. It's a great example of how sometimes, you just need to blow shit (or in this case, extras from the movie THEM!) up. That's all you do, and I'm okay with that.

Another game with a short achievement list, but these I actually feel I'll enjoy doing. Well, maybe not the Easy clear since it's going to be a breeze, but I'm mostly using that as a new weapons testing platform. Collect all 170-odd weapons? OKAY. Might need a buddy for Inferno difficulty, but I think I know someone I can call.

DDR Universe 2 came out last week, and I snatched that up bundle-style so I can do doubles now. We all have some guilty gaming pleasures, and DDR is one of mine.

Plusses? Quest Mode is much less of a filthy whore; I managed to blow through all the song unlocks in one go by not wasting my time buying outfits. Decent song selection, though I am somewhat suspect that the downloadable content was already on the disc and unlockable, seeing as how the download time for all ten songs combined was a fart and a heartbeat. Not cool, Konami. Still, Men Without Hats? What? Okay!

Minuses? SICK TRIBAL AESTHETIC. WHOA. Pretty retarded. Characters slightly uglier than last game, exact same mocap (including that stupid guitar windmill on the male characters). Terrible outfit design, between the regular character skins and the outfits you can buy in Quest Mode. Unlockable songs still only obtainable in Quest Mode.

So in other words, it's DDR, more and uglier. Worth it if you're into it and want some new songs to play, especially online. Achievements basically the same as the first one; unlocking new songs, clearing X number of songs, challenges. I take some DDR snob pride in the fact that I only use the controller for getting Quest Mode out of the way, the rest is all pad. Yes, I am a huuuuge handjob.

On the way should be Ace Combat 6 and at least one other, since I sent back two games at the same time. Until they get here, I will try to figure out where these new monsters I need to kill for achievements in PSU:AotI are. I'm guessing they're in the new Episode 3 quests. Here's hoping said quests don't force me to play with cards*.




* - Actually, I'm one of the sick bastards who enjoyed PSO: Ep III C.A.R.D. Help me.

Pertinent Information

For the reocord, here's a list of the games I own already, so you have some idea as to what's coming in fresh and what isn't. Please note that I started this disaster with 12,737 Gamerscore. Here's my Gamercard for comparison in the future:



Feel free to add me if you want to help the cause, or if you just want someone new to play with, but please drop a comment here or message me first so I have the slightest idea as to why random people want to friend me.

The lists! They will be updated as my inventory shifts.

Retail Games:
Beautiful Katamari
Big Bumpin'
Crackdown
Dance Dance Revolution Universe
Dance Dance Revolution Universe 2
Dead Or Alive 4
Dead Rising
Eternal Sonata
Gears Of War
Guitar Hero II
Guitar Hero III
Halo 3
Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga
Lost Planet
Phantasy Star Universe (w/ Ambition Of The Illuminus expansion)
Pocketbike Racer
Rock Band
Rape Sneak King
Tetris Evolution
Viva Pinata
WarTech: Senko No Ronde

Xbox Live Arcade:
3D Ultra Minigolf
Aegis Wing
Alien Hominid HD
Assault Heroes
Band Of Bugs
Battlestar Galactica
Bomberman Live
Carcassonne
Castlevania: Symphony Of The Night
Catan
Crystal Quest
Doom
Eets: Chowdown
Every Extend Extra Extreme
EXIT
Feeding Frenzy
Gauntlet
Geometry Wars
Geon
Golden Axe
Hexic HD
Hexic 2
Lumines Live!
Luxor 2
Mad Tracks
Marathon: Durandal
Marble Blast Ultra
Mutant Storm Reloaded
Outpost Kaloki X
Pac-Man: Championship Edition
Pinball FX
Puzzle Fighter HD
Puzzle Quest
Small Arms
Sonic The Hedgehog
Sonic The Hedgehog 2
Space Giraffe
Street Fighter II' Hyper Fighting
Street Trace: NYC
Streets Of Rage
Tetris Splash
Texas Hold 'Em
TMNT 1989 Arcade
TotemBall
Uno
Wing Commander Arena
Worms
Yaris

QTWBFAIPSARTC

Or, Questions That Will Become Frequently Asked If People Actually Start Reading This Crap. Basically, this is where I explain just what's going on here.

Q) What is this Goblin Valley nonsense all about, anyway?
A) One night, sleep deprivation and several drinks came together in the form of a brilliant idea:

"I have an Xbox 360. I am an achievement whore. I have GameFly. Why don't I play EVERY 360 GAME EVER?"

Subsequently, I cleared my queue and lined up the first fifty released games in alphabetical order, went to bed, and woke up the next morning realizing this might not have been the best of ideas after all. I'm a man of my word, however, and I had friends breathing down my back to do a podcast for their internet radio thingy, so thus was the project born.

Q) So you're just playing everything ever? What's the point?
A) The objective, at first, was just to play everything and rack up as high a gamerscore as possible. It was rather quickly realized that such a move would be highly impractical, as there would frequently be logjams where I held onto all four games scraping away for the last few points in each one, leaving new games unsent and therefore making things pretty boring. To alleviate this problem, rules and smaller objectives were formed.

Q) Explain these rules and objectives, if you could.
A) It's simple enough, really.

1. Any given game can only stay in my house for one week, at least upon initial arrival. This gives me the challenge of seeing how many acheivements I can clear in that timeframe, which allows for both my jobs, sleep, and other life necessities and socializing. Games I already own, or that I purchase at some point in the future, are exempt but cannot take up the bulk of my gaming time if rented games are waiting to be played.
   
2. Offline achievements are the primary objective, especially with older games that no one plays online anymore. However, if readers/listeners need help boosting or wish to help me boost online achievements for dated games they have laying around, they are more than welcome to contact me.
3. Games that have been played for the one week are not allowed to reappear for further play until the entire queue has been gone through, unless they are purchased or recieved as gifts. Gonna milk this one for a while, yessir.
   

Q) Boost?
A) It's when you basically whore achievements by getting buddies together to do stuff, usually online achievements that require you to play in ranked matches. You'll often see entire games of Halo 3 dedicated to it, since everyone wants that katana.

Q) And how, may I ask, does this make for reasonable podcast material?
A) Basically, the podcast is going to be a rundown of any funny or interesting things that happened in that week's quest for gamerscore, with my brief take on whatever I played, shoutouts to anyone who actively helped out, tips for getting weird or hard achievements, that sort of thing. Also, rundowns of demos of anything I feel like downloading that looks promising.

Q) Is this just going to be retail games, or are you going to play all the Xbox Live Arcade games, too?
A) You better believe XBLA is going to be part of this. I already have a pile of games as it is, and I at least play the demos each week, so expect a blurb here and some discussion in the podcast of what's fresh and what's stale in the Arcade. I'm also considering occasionally reviewing an Xbox Original title here and there, since I already have a lot of the releases on disc and don't need to dole out extra cash for them. >_>

Q) I see a lot of Xbox, Xbox, Xbox. Kind of a narrow focus, don't you think?
A) Yes, most certainly, which is why I'm also making room for other systems. Gamerscore may be the primary goal here, but I still have everything under the sun but a PS3 (yet). I still play 'em all, so every now and then I think I'll have a marathon week, wherein I blow through every game in a series or franchise.

Granted, some of these might turn into multi-week specials, say if I tried to pull off playing every Metroid, or (god forbid) every Final Fantasy. Even just the numbered ones would take quite a bit of time. As with the Xbox stuff, I'd discuss funny encounters, glitches, secrets, and so forth, as well as general nostalgia in some cases.

Non-Xbox stuff is also bound to cut in whenever I find something new and hot that I can't help but gush about. Game news and game movies are also fair game (no pun).

Q) You didn't entirely answer the first question, by the way. What is this Goblin Valley nonsense, in regards to the name?
A) If you've never watched The Wizard, do so, now. It's a terrible movie. I love it so.

If you have watched it, well, I didn't want to be that thousandfold
asshole who quotes the Power Glove line.

Everyone quotes that. Ugh.