XBLAwhawhawhawhawhaw

Time to play some catch-up, first with last week's Arcade offerings, and then this week's newest.

Battlezone
4/16/08, Atari
Achievements: 12 (9 offline for 145gs, 3 online for 55gs)
Cost: 400 MP
I am the tank. Get in the fucking tank and die.

For those unfamiliar with the original, Battlezone is a first-person tank shooter, set on the moon or some such, with essentially endless enemies until you 'splode. While a pretty basic concept, it gets fun very quickly.

This is probably the first updated arcade title I've encountered whose original dual-stick control scheme translates really well to the twin analogs on a 360 controller. Robotron and Smash TV are examples of games that tried, but didn't quite pull it off. Gameplay on the whole hasn't been tweaked much from the original, save for the addition of online deathmatch and CTF modes, but if it ain't broke, et cetera.

As for the update, it was mostly graphical. I like the route they went, which was mostly just upgrading the wireframe look of the original for more detail's sake, and then filling objects with this sort of glowy color look, which maintains a level of minimalism while still looking fairly good in HD. The audio's barely changed, from what I noticed, which is great for nostalgia's sake.

The achievement list is straightforward, as arcade game updates' tend to be. High scores, blowing up X of Y, and doing well in multiplayer are where the bulk of your rewards will come from. Not the easiest 200gs, but at the same time, it doesn't seem mindnumbingly difficult.

All in all, it wouldn't hurt to plonk down 400 MP on one of the best arcade upgrades to date. Go for it.


Rocky and Bullwinkle
4/16/08, Microsoft
Achievements: 12 (all offline, 200gs)
Cost: 800 MP
Jay Ward and Wario hooked up and had one ugly, ugly baby.

Conceptually, this game is kind of cute. You play through "episodes," compiled of different short segments like the original TV show, and can go back to replay shuffles of those segments as you unlock more shows.

In reality, however, ugh. The controls are okay for the most part, until you get hit with the camera-controlled games that use the Xbox Live Vision. I'm almost certain the camera controls are even clunkier than in Totemball, XBLA's ancient, first foray into camera-based gaming. The normally controlled games aren't that much less frustrating, and I ended up just quitting halfway through because I didn't want to deal with it.

I give the game some credit for maintaining a decent approximation of the Rocky & Bullwinkle feel and sound, though it looks really weird as crisp as it does in hi def. Where's the film grain? It just doesn't feel quite right if you were a fan of the original show, like I am. I may forgive some of this if they bring up chocolate pan dowdy, but this almost makes that godawful live action movie seem worth watching. Ward Studios really needs to be more careful where they throw this license.

Catch 'em all fest when it comes to achievements. Just do everything until you complete it 100%. You know, if you don't kill yourself first.

If you've got 800 MP to throw down just to grind out some more gamerscore and add a completed game notch to your belt, worse things could happen. No hurries, though, and you might as well delete it as soon as you're done milking it.

Lost Cities
4/23/08, Sierra Online
Achievements: 12 (10 offline for 175gs, 2 online for 25gs)
Cost: 800 MP
Didn't I play this in Xenogears? Or at some drunken high school party?

Lost Cities is a card game based on the idea that you're exploring one of five colored sets of "ruins," which are represented by... uninteresting, broken up cards. You draw color-corresponding cards to play and further your exploration of (and thereby profit from) these cities, in the hopes that you make more money in the long run than your opponent.

LC plays well enough for a card game, and basically has a similar feel to other strategy tabletop games on XBLA, like Carcasonne and Catan. There's not much room to complain when all you have are mechanics for drawing and discarding cards.

Unfortunately, it seems like they really phoned in everything besides the ruleset, which I imagine already had a real life counterpart. It's not ugly by any means, but the interface is pretty boring. The guy on the main menu changing expressions with the different choices? Yeah, doesn't help that much. I guess the fact you can play against people with the Vision camera running is supposed to distract you from how dull everything is. One thing that really confuses me is why they reward you with unlockable art. Why couldn't you have just put this in the game, so I'd be visually compelled to play?

Oh, and remember how I said it's like Catan and Carcasonne in its basic feel? The music's similar to their fare as well - low-key and unobtrusive, which makes it just as unmemorable.

Style points and winning are the theme of the achievements, with a couple thrown in there to get you playing online multiplayer. I pray things get more interesting with someone to talk to, as what otherwise is an okay game is just going to drown in the sea of mediocrity.

Another no-rusher, but if you're into quick card games that involve a little strategy, and poker's not up your alley, it could be worth it.

Jumble

Been slacking again, I know, but at this point it's due to some format overhauls and standardization. I find it hard to call something a pet project without putting some work into it, so I've finally been sitting down and thinking about where to go with things a bit more intensely. I'll have a doubleshot of XBLA stuff tomorrow, possibly in something vaguely resembling new the new format, as well as a bit on Cars: Mater-National.

Make a wish.

Been busy as usual, but I still found time to pound out achievements and get work done on SSBB.

Just for the record, here's what I have left to do in Brawl, according to the challenge wall:

Baby Peach - Get 500 different trophies
Birdo - Clear All-Star on Hard
Blue Alloy - Beat 100 Man Brawl with all 35 characters
Cardboard Box - Beat Target Smash Level 4 in less than 32 seconds with any character
Crazy Hand - Beat Classic Mode on Intense with any character
Critical Hit - Beat All-Star Mode with Marth
Dark Cannon - Clear Boss Battles on Hard
Dyna Blade - Beat All-Star Mode on Very Hard with any character
Galleom (Tank Form) - Clear Boss Battles on Intense
Green Alloy - Beat 15-Minute Brawl with any character
Grey Fox - Clear Target Smash L5 with all characters
Jyk - Clear boss battles with 20 characters
Mewtwo - Clear All-Star on Intense
Musketeer Daltania - Clear Target Smash L4 with 10 characters.
Outset Link - Beat Target Smash Level 5 with 10 characters
Phyllis (AC:WW) - Clear All-Star on Normal
Porky Statue - Clear Boss Battles on Very Hard
Ray MK III - Beat Target Smash Level 3 in under 20 seconds with any character
Shadow Bugs - Beat Boss Mode on Normal
Striker Mario - Beat Classic on Very Hard
Subspace Gunship - Beat Boss Battles with 10 characters
Tabuu (Wings) - Clear Boss Battles with all characters.

Aside from that, it's just 1% in the Subspace Emissary, as well as a bunch of trophies from the critters there and a handful of randoms, and I will be 100%. Kind of disgusting, really. I have problems.

As for the Xboxen, here's what's been up. Belated XBLA update first.

Ikaruga
Achievements: 12 (all offline, 200 gs)

For those of you who missed it on the Dreamcast and/or Gamecube, Ikaruga is a great example of why shmups are sometimes called "bullet hell" games. This game will take your virginity, your anal virginity, your dog's anal virginity, and will then go back in time and take your mother's, grandmother's, and greatgrandmother's virginity and possibly end up as your great granddaddy in the process. Ikaruga hurts.

The idea of the game is that your ship can switch polarities between light (white) and dark (black). A given polarity can absorb damage of the same time, and does double damage to the opposite type, so it's mostly a matter of deciding to rape or not be raped.

The correct choice, in almost all cases, is not be raped. Trust me. Also it is very pretty, I recommend a download if you're into shooters.

As for what came in the mail after sending back the last batch...

Bladestorm: The Hundred Years War
Achievements: 18 (all offline, 1000 gs)

I'm not entirely sure what's up as I haven't actually played the campaign mode yet, just created a character, but I think it's a sort of RTS or tactics dealie. I'll come back with a more in-depth review once I actually play it, as I was busy grinding the next game I'm talking about. The backstory they lay down is tied well enough into the actual Hundred Years War, with a dash of "Hi I'm a merc," to avoid having to characterize actual people. Kind of an odd twist for Koei what with the Dynasty whatsitsfutzes but whatever.

Achievements look pretty easy to garner, as it sounds like I've mostly just got a lot of conquering to do. Take forts, get treasure, LOOK FOR BOOKS. Finish game do some extra stuff get two more books all right done.

Clive Barker's Jericho
Achievements: 43 (all offline, 1000 gs)

In a rather underfrightening title for something with Barker's name on it, Jericho is a squad-command FPS where everyone has neato magic powers. As for plot, you're running around this
ancient city through several time periods to stop God's first creation before mankind, the Firstborn, from getting out and wreaking havoc on humanity because it's jealous of what we were given.

While I dig the character designs, the rest of the aesthetic is kind of hokey, especially the cartoony, plastic-looking gore that festoons pretty much everything after the introduction. Also, the squad mechanic was a nice idea, save for that you're only going to use one character through most of the game once you can control her.

I'm serious. It's pretty obvious Black, the sniper dyke, is the only one worth playing once you look at the achievements. All of the killcount achievements, for splodey kills, headpops, and using her magic bullet? All her. All the time. The big guy, Delgado, comes in handy for taking down flying enemies with his dragon jont, but that's about it.

Easy 1000 all the way. Just beat the game on Hard, maybe go back on a few levels in case you died, though you can just reload last checkpoint if you do and still get the no incapacitation achievements. Once you're done, go to the Flesh level in the Sumeria block, pop the corpses once and take out the demon hanging up high above the main target, and then just go to town.

There are codes for the game that make life a lot easier, but the main one you might need if you're just doing this for gamerscore (which you will be, once you get tired of it really quickly) is the infinite ammo code, which is free and available fairly easily. Just google it, there's a bit of rigamarole as the different game discs have different codes that you need a number in one of the menus to unlock. Nothing too heinous, but it's how they locked things so you have to shell out $5.49 to get all of the codes if you really want them. Bite me, Codemasters.

Chromehounds
Achievements: 49 (8 offline for 160 gs, 41 online for 840 gs)

This was an awesome idea for an early-run game to get people more involved on Live and sell more Gold memberships. Somewhat believable mech war with a persistent online world featuring countries you're fighting for, allegiance changes, and heavy emphasis on squad tactics. The offline mode was great, too, with a solid story to explain what was going on and chapters giving you a run through all the different unit types and roles...

...but now, no one plays it, and since most of the achievements are online, you're pretty much SOL save for some of the deployment achievements. Maybe you can track down a group of people who still play, but I get the feeling it's unlikely, so I'm kind of hosed. I plan to see if I can do deploy/self-destruct tactics to eke a few more points out things, but yeah. Wow.

Oh, and another lovely element? The final story chapter is A HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS. I owned the game for a while and remember trying over and over and over, using guides, and getting pretty much nowhere. Not too sure if I'm going to bother going back to it. Ugh.

As a closing note, I've bumped up into the 20k gamerscore tier. Woohoo! I've been bitten by the PSU bug again, too! OH NOES.