We built this city on cock and balls.

A Kingdom For Keflings
Achievements: 12 (10 offline for 180gs, 2 online for 20gs)
MS Points: 800

The first game to employ the new avatars in gameplay, A Kingdom For Keflings takes the resource management and asset building elements of an RTS and puts them in a sandbox setting. In other words, you build stuff so you can build more stuff and tell your little people what to do, but you don't have to worry about a tower rush while you're at it.

Sounds kind of boring, but it turns out pretty fun, if you're into games like SimCity or always get sacked when you're trying to build up a civiliztion in Age Of Empires. The music volume tends to be set pretty high by default, so you may want to turn that down right away, but other than that, no real warnings.

While those ten achievements can be garnered offline, you can save yourself some time and trouble by just hosting an online village and saving that as you progress; if you're like me and like to organize things, however, I suggest you lock said game until you've gotten things pretty well built up, especially if you don't have a headset handy. Without direction, random visitors will prove to be the most braindead twats on the face of the earth, building random garbage and throwing it everywhere. That, and if you have a sweet town built up by the time you let anyone in, it's pretty much just showing off by that point, and any damage idiots do is less consequential.

Another hit from NinjaBee, aimed at the more strategically-minded crowd. I say buy it.

Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix
Achievements: 12 (8 offline for 110gs, 4 online for 90gs)
MS Points: 1200

The best Street Fighter, if not the best 2D fighter, all prettified. It's solid. Just buy it, since the demo is just the multiplayer beta they let you download if you bought Commando 3. Which is totally a dick move, but whatever.

Blitz: The League II
Achievements: 50 (45 offline for 905gs, 5 online for 95gs)

Augh.




That's the entire review.













Go home.

Time for a booster!

Here's a list of games and the achievements in them I'm looking to trade currently. I'll try to keep this as up to date as possible. Please message me ahead of time so I can make sure I have room on my friends list for you.

Note that these are mostly just achievements that require online play; I'd be happy to help or be helped with anything that can be done both offline and online as well.

Last updated 8/4/09

3D Ultra Minigolf
Open Champion
Host With The Most

A Kingdom For Keflings
Friend

Aegis Wing
Diplomat
Epic Warrior
Teamwork

Assault Heroes
Twin Medal

Band Of Bugs
Third Time's The Charm
Good Host

Battlestar Galactica
Aquaria Wingman Citation Ribbon
Libran Survivalist Citation

Big Bumpin'
First Victory
Slippery Like Eel
Mine!
Outclassed!
What Happened?
Knockout King
Striker
Not Playing Anymore!
Hat Trick
Charge!!

Bomberman Live
The Name's Bomb, Dangerous Bomb
You Die So Good!
The Bomb!
The Good, The Bad, And The Bombed

Boogie Bunnies
Better Together

Burnout Paradise
First Win
Online Champion
Firestarter
Party Animal
Burnout Skills

Carcassonne
Top Of The Heap
Metropolis
Lord Of Carcassonne

Commanders: Attack
Bravely Bold

Culdcept Saga
Triangular Battler
Quadrangular Battler
Alliance Maker
Neophyte Cepter
Apprentice Cepter
Adept Cepter
Master Cepter
Grandmaster Cepter
Legendary Cepter
Fighter's Honor
Knight's Honor
Berserker's Honor

Dash Of Destruction
Extinction Event

Dead Or Alive 4
Achieved Grade "SS"
Achieved Grade "S"
Achieved Grade "A"
Achieved Grade "B"
Achieved Grade "D"
Achieved Grade "E"
5 Straight Wins In DOA Online
10 Straight Wins In DOA Online
20 Straight Wins In DOA Online
5 Straight Losses In DOA Online
10 Straight Losses In DOA Online
20 Straight Losses In DOA Online
10 Wins In DOA Online
50 Wins In DOA Online
100 Wins In DOA Online

DOOM
ROOKIE
DESTROYER

E4
Big Head

Gauntlet
CO-OP
CO-OP Master
Max CO-OP
High Score

Gears Of War
A Series Of Tubes
Domination
I Can't Quit You Dom
THIS! IS! ANNEX!
Inconcievable!
Nub Pwn3r
You Down With E.P.I.C?
Green Thumb
Mind The Gap
Purdy Mouth
All That Juice

Geon
getting out more
gimme gimme world domination
variety is the spice of life

Golden Axe
Co-op Win
Online Co-op

Guitar Hero II
Joe & Steven Award
Keef & Mick Award
Page & Plant Award
400K Pair
600K Pair
800K Pair
Millionaire Pair

Guitar Hero III
Life Of The Party
Back Up Hero
Guitar Wizard
Button Masher
Two Timer
Dynamic Duo
Streak Masters
Millionaire Club
Higher Than Most
Easy Duo
Medium Duo
Hard Duo
Living Legends
Leaders Of The Pack

Halo 3
Campaign Complete: Legendary
Vidmaster Challenge: Annual
Double Double
Alas, Poor Yorick
Came... From... Behind...
Defend This
Flag Dropped
Road Rage
Look Both Ways
Hammer Time
Pull
Blades Of Fury
Ghost Patrol
Post Mortem
Get The Horns
Aww, Too Bad
Killtacular
Have Fun Respawning
Save This Film
Delicious Brains
Zombie Repeller
Tank Dropper

Joust
CO-OP
CO-OP Master

Marathon: Durandal
Tastes Like Chicken
Pfhor Score And Seven Years Ago
I'm Invincible!
Make Someone Pay
World Domination
King Pfhor A Day
You Think You're Big Time

Marble Blast Ultra
First Place
Gem Collector
Veteran Battler
Blue Gem Hunt

Marvel Vs Capcom 2
I Am Doom
Hyakuretsu Kyaku
Berserker Barrage
Shun Goku Satsu

n+
Complete 5 Co-op Episodes
Complete 10 Co-op Episodes

Pocketbike Racer
Multiplayer King
Pro-Gamer

Poker Smash
Champ

Rock Band
One Million Fans
Hall Of Fame Inductee
Vinyl Artist
Gold Artist
Platinum Artist
Big In London
Big In Paris
Big In Amsterdam
Big In Berlin
Big In Stockholm
Big In Rome
Big In Boston
Big In NYC
Big In Chicago
Big In LA
Big In Seattle
Big In San Francisco
Big In Japan
Big In Sydney
Big In Reykjavik
Big In Rio
Big In Moscow
Riding On Coattails

Rock Band 2
Comeback Kid
Victory!
Band Savior
Overdrive Overdose
Million Point Club
Stage Igniters

SEGA Superstars Tennis
Surf The Net
Top Of The Tree
Ball Buddies
Top Ranker
Let's Get Friendly
Space Channel 5
Swinging Report Show

Small Arms
Six Degrees Of Small Arms
Barbaric Recruiter

Sonic The Hedgehog 2
All Multiplayer
Xbox Live Racer

Soul Calibur IV
World Traveler

Street Trace: NYC
Pickup Tournament Pro
Cash Tournament Pro
8 Player Award

Streets Of Rage 2
First Versus
Online Warrior
Online Co-op

Tetris Splash
Online Rookie
Online Back-To-Back
Online Expert

TMNT 1989 Arcade
Slice And Dice
Real Ultimate Power

Undertow
Swim Pals

Uno
Multiplayer
Uno Shark

Wing Commander Arena
TCS Tiger's Claw
Paladin

WOTB: Commando 3
Armored Attack
Combined Asssault

Yaris
Plays Well With Others

Reference city.

Triple threat for today, but not much to say on two of 'em.

F.E.A.R. - First Encounter Assault Recon
Achievements: 47 (25 offline for 685gs, 22 online for 315gs)

Oh man. Fuck this game, too. I thought F.E.A.R. Files might've just been ground out quickly for a fast buck, but now I see the pedigree is pretty shitty, too. It looks a little better visually when it comes to character designs, but the environments are definitely more limited, and the gameplay is just as crap.

To make things simple, I got to the third Iteration, and two or three times into the water treatment plant, I figured I was done, only to learn the game was loading another section of the same damn area. Thanks. Eventually, you get to a point where the guy you're tracking drops some mines and disappears again, and if you shoot the mines (since, if you don't, you splodey), they blow out this electrical box on the wall, sending electricity shooting across the hallway. I imagine you're supposed to use your slo-mo powers to get by it, which I tried about a dozen different ways unsuccessfully before I stopped trying to pretend I gave a shit.

They also nickel and dime you something fierce when it comes to some of these achievements, especially the online kills with different weapons and anything that isn't the basic clearing of the game with a decent difficulty setting. You guys could've afforded to spread some points around and made more ten-pointers out of the pile of fivers.

I imagine I'll be saying, "Fuck this game," to the sequel as well, so look forward to it!


CSI: Hard Evidence
Achievements: 5 (all offline, 1000gs)

Totally phoned in, as all your achievements come from just beating the five cases with any grade. They couldn't even make a few for finding all the insect easter eggs in each level, or stackables for certain grades. Thanks. On the plus side, that leaves this game an easy full-perfect run, if a tedious and moderately long one. Wouldn't take more than two or three days, though, so it's perfect for even a brick and mortar rental.

I've watched all of one episode of CSI, and I think it was Miami and the sound was turned down so I can't say I have much background in the series, but the game basically pits you as a new recruit getting partnered with different investigators on the different cases, for a delightful point-and-click-to-find-shit adventure. The writing isn't bad, but there's a bit too much attempt to insert wit at weak places, and almost all of the characters, main and suspect, look like they were pulled out of a session of Poser 101. Poser as in the 3D imaging program that a depressing number of people seem to use for porn.

The thing that really bugs me is that I don't think they resolve some of the less consequential evidence, especially this one fingerprint you find in the fourth mission that places one person at the scene of the crime, who ends up never having been there at all, if I remember correctly. That, and another person gets tied there but they never explain why he was kind enough to vaccuum a key piece of evidence before he ran back out, terrified. I dunno.

Get your points and forget this game ever existed.

Brothers In Arms: Hell's Highway
Achievements: 43 (36 offline for 1000gs, 7 online for 0gs)

That's right, the online achievements don't get you any gamerscore. Clearly, online play was tacked on at the last minute. Still, that doesn't make the main game any worse.

Another damn WWII game. Great. At least in this one, Gearbox took the time to focus more on the guys you're working with rather than the situation, and the story they crafted is pretty solid. On the downside, there are a great many references to the previous Brothers In Arms titles, and in some cases character faces aren't that distinct from one another, so those new to the franchise are bound to be confused, but other than that, things are all right.

Hell's Highway, set against the backdrop of the massive botch that was Operation Market Garden, is a squad tactics FPS, in that you command other groups of soldiers, often with special abilities like a crew with a bazooka or heavy machine gun, to help you work your way around enemy emplacements and lay down fire so you can get in there and clean up. Run-and-gun is not the name of the game here, but the squad command controls are simple and intuitive while still being somewhat robust, so the pace of the game doesn't drag often.

The achievement spread is decent, too. You're rewarded for each completed chapter, in increasing amounts as you get closer to the end of the game, and most of the other achievements come from stuff you'd inevitably end up doing or trying to do as the story progresses, so even the secret achievements aren't tough to acquire. There are a couple of easter egg hunts with the recon points, which reward you with brief cutscenes as well as more info on your map, and the Kilroys, which mostly aren't hidden anywhere too obscure and are a fun real-life reference to a trend from the war itself.

You might groan, however, upon noticing the three constant play achievements. You get points for playing every day for a week, once a week for three months straight, and every day for one hundred days. Nice way to get people to buy instead of renting, guys! Too bad you didn't account for Gamefly in that equation! So yeah, it looks like I'm going to be hanging onto this one for a bit. Thankfully, the game counts "playing" as merely loading things up and going into a menu or two, so once I'm done with the story and possibly trying to get some of the online stuff, I can just pop the game in for a minute during breakfast or what have you until sometime in February.

There's also an achievement for playing the game on September 17th, which is kind of dick since the game came out a week after that, but the optimist in me makes me think they originally aimed for an earlier release. Not all developers are evil, right? For that one, I'm just going to put it back in the queue sometime next summer.

All in all, it's not a disappointing game, and even if you're not invested in the series thus far, it's worth checking out.

All I ever wanted.

I'm on vacation this week from my real job, so I've got plenty of time to pay attention to this. High on the agenda is getting some images to pretty things up around here and make it not so type-type-type, though I haven't finished editing them down for this update.

Catching up from this past week, I've got a handful of games I played. Not as bad as the past few huge updates.

Vigilante 8 Arcade
Achievements: 12 (11 offline for 180gs, 1 online for 20 gs)
MS Points: 800

I missed out on the original Vigilante 8, but the demo gives me the impression this was someone's answer to Twisted Metal back in the day. Cars drive around and pick up weapons and powerups to make other cars go splodey. Eh.

Not that I'm knocking it, really. I just wasn't particularly impressed, either. If I had experience with the original, I could judge things based on the faith of the translation, but ah well. I do kind of dig the 70s motif. Achievement spread is nice and sounds easy, if a bit grindy at points. Guess you should buy it if you were a fan in the day or like mindless missile-fests. Can't say I don't.

Battle Fantasia
Achievements: 48 (44 offline for 880gs, 4 online for 120gs)

From the dudes who brought you Guilty Gear, Arc System Works, we have another similarly awesome fighter, but decked out in 3D sprites and a fantasy RPG feel. I skipped most of the story scenes to save time, but the basic gist is that a bunch of people are on quests that end up pitting them against this badass suit of armor from hell.

Pretty solid fighter, as is to be expected from Arc, but if you were hoping for much of anything from the RPG side, too bad. At best, you get the same sort of storyline shifts from doing certain things in certain battles as you got in some of the later GGX iterations, and little numbers pop up whenever you hit or get hit. The rabbit wizard's wand levels up as you do better, too. The end.

My one gripe, as mentioned in an earlier brief post, is that the autosave isn't automatically set to ON. I ended up clearing three characters' basic stories before calling it a night during my first session, only to find the gallery stuff I'd unlocked gone the next morning. Always make sure it's on, since some people don't bother defaulting that for some reason.

Achievement spread is mostly simple, with fight counts, story completion, and progress in every mode coming into play, but there's about 200gs worth of CRAZY SHIT you need to do if you want a perfect completion. Mostly insanely high combos, but there's one thing that requires you to hammer your parry button at 212 bpm to survive the last boss' ultimate attack.

Yes. 212 BPM. Someone clocked it. If you want to see how to do it (the achievement is Perfect Hero), peep the last video here. Yeah. Whoa.

Still, love it to death. I highly recommend if you're into 2D fighters, or dudes that rock a combination hoverbike/chainsaw.

Command & Conquer 3: Kane's Wrath
Achievements: 44 (34 offline for 890gs, 10 online for 110gs)

Didn't spend any time in campaign mode, so I can't comment on that, but OH MY GOD THE INTERFACE IS SO MUCH BETTER THIS TIME AROUND. Not much changed, to be honest, save for the addition of a whole pile of factions, but instead of the PC-esque build menus they kept for C&C3, Kane's Wrath implements a radial pop-up that is worlds easier to navigate, and therefore speeds things up handily.

Gameplay, as I hinted, remains pretty much the same, though these new groups have their own tricks. For gamerscore, they want you to run the campaign, then do everything else (skirmish, quick matches online, and a challenge mode) with everyone possible. The only non-story secret achievement is skipping the Boot Camp when you first start campaign, which you can probably only do right at the beginning of your save file, so just say no. Then go back and do it for some points anyway, since once again, it's linked from the main menu. It's also the same damn training course, save with new menus. Ugh.

Solid RTS, though at this point I'd probably just recommend you go out and grab C&C: Red Alert 3. George Takei as the head of Japan? Madness!

Beijing 2008
Achievements: 50 (46 offline for 925gs, 4 online for 75gs)

Ugh. Thanks, Sega. This isn't your daddy's Track & Field, I'll say that much.

This game is all about perfection. Save for the handouts you get for merely hosting a match (good luck finding anyone), making a custom dude, and playing the game with your Rock Band setup (seriously, there's one for playing with 4 controllers on one console, and so long as you've got A buttons to work with, the thing gives it to you), you have to play until you're absolutely amazing.

I didn't even waste a half hour on it, nevermind the normal hour. I'll come back to it when there's nothing else I want to play, or I find someone with whom to boost the online crap. Bleh.

Dynasty Warriors: Gundam
Achievements: 15 (all offline, 1000gs)

OH HELL YES. For some reason, mindless, repetitive button mashing to execute mass murder is so much more satisfying when giant robots are involved instead of random, faceless Chinamen. I'm not even that big into Gundam, per se, but that doesn't matter, because the game follows the anime plots decently enough, and has a character profile section to blow several key plot points in case you haven't watched a given series! NICE!

Really, it's just a reskinned DW, so it's still crappy old DW, but whatever. 'splosions. You get your 1000gs mostly just from beating the game with everyone ever, leveling someone and their machine to the max, and playing a lot of missions, so I think I might bother to grind this one out.

Cool if you're into Gundam, but even then, I'm not sure you really want to buy it to own. Rent away.


I believe Brothers In Arms: Hell's Highway is next up. No, I haven't bought anything new since RB2 this holiday game season, and if anything, the next thing I pick up will probably be DDR Universe 3, because I'm a huge douche. I swear, I've been invited to more Gears 2 games in the past week than I have birthday parties in my entire life.

A couple of reminders.

- Always make sure you turn on your autosave, kids. Always.

- Get out and vote. Now. Put the controller down. Run a defrag or something, and try and help un-fuck this country.